Every summer my family planted a garden. On the last day of school, we would go to the little garden shop on center street and emerge laden with brightly colored seed packets and hopeful looking seedlings. Our little “bit of earth” had grown wild over the winter, with last-years’ cork stalks protruding from the earth battle weary, but obstinately holding their positions. After tilling, the soil was soft and loose, and I sunk up to my ankles in dirt. It never really bothered me much. Dad and one of the boys would use two stakes and some old string to mark out neat, even rows. Next, one of my brothers would dig shallow holes. My mom poured a little water into the indentations, and supervised my younger sister as she sprinkled in fertilizer. My job was putting in the seeds and gently covering them up. When we had finished, everyone was covered in grime, (especially my brothers, who had tried to get as muddy as possible before they were stopped). It was work, but it was family work.
In the selection entitled “Family Work,” Kathleen Slaugh Bahr describes the nature and importance of working as a family. She notes that when Adam and Eve left the Garden of Eden, they were not given the need to labor as a curse, but as a blessing. It enables us to grow closer to each other and recognize and fill the needs of others. Because many of the chores require minimal concentration, our minds are able to focus on one another. Bahr states, “Family identity is built moment by moment amidst the talking and teasing, the singing and storytelling, and even the quarreling and anguish that may attend such work sessions.” The importance of working together has little to do with completion of a given task. Its power comes as it transforms lives and urges “hearts and minds toward a oneness known only in Zion.”
Household work gives us the opportunity to serve others. In filling the most basic, universal needs of mankind, we are able to recognize our vulnerability and realize our dependence upon our Heavenly Father. We become more Christ-like as we humble ourselves and serve the least of our brethren.
Although the pattern for success in family work cannot be summarized in a few simple steps, Bahr recommends several practices that may be helpful.
1)Tilling the soil. Many of our modern prophets have counseled us to grow a garden. As we work with our family in the earth, we are able to see the physical fruits of our labors while unconsciously gaining intangible rewards.
2)Parents should exemplify the attitudes about work that they want their children to have. Children are able to sense when their help is thought of as a hindrance. Often there is an attitude that work is something that is in the way. With the right attitude, even the most mundane tasks can become memorable.
3)Avoid technology that interferes with togetherness. Sometimes the technology that is designed to make life easier reduces time that could be spent learning, talking, and laughing together. Each family must decide which modern conveniences to incorporate into their lives.
4)Allow children to help. Even though sometimes it is much easier to do a task alone, encourage younger family members to become involved in some small way. Their tasks should include work for each other, and not just for themselves.
5)Avoid a business mentality at home. This includes over organizing and motivating children with rewards. A true sense of value for work must be developed internally, and cannot be based on tangible rewards.
6)Parents should work with their children. One-on-one time provides opportunities for children to talk to their parents about problems they may have in their lives, and grow closer to them.
I have seen the power of family work in my own life. It has brought my family closer together, and provided a network to go to in trials. These principles can be applied to create Zion wherever you go.
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This is a really interesting story, and I think it has a lot of truth in it. In my family, I am the youngest, with two older siblings ten and twelve years older than me. I realize now how much I missed out while they did chores together, worked in the yard with my dad, or spent summers mowing the lawn at Grandma's house. I was either too little or not born yet to do these things with them, and theres a bond that they have that I don't.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand though, I get to hear these stories, and ask them to tell them to me, which make them become more real and alive than if they were just tucked inside memories. I think there is a place for all of us inside a "working" family.
There is definitely a lot of good that comes from working together as a family and learning to do the basic household chores. My mom instilled these values in me from a young age. While I am grateful for it now, at the time i was positive she was the worst mom ever, punishing me for nothing. All i had to do was clean the bathroom sink and my room every morning before school. According to my five year old self, this was the hardest task i could possibly be asked to do and life was just so unfair. Now of course, i can't settle for anything less than a clean bathroom, and find it puzzling that some of my roommates think it's okay to leave it a mess. This concept also applies to the kitchen. We always had a dish night at my house and learned that cleaning the kitchen involves way more than just doing the dishes. The dishes were always cleaned up promptly after eating, never allowing for them to get piled up. The counters should be wiped, floor swept, stove cleaned, etc. Learning this stuff at home has gotten me into the habit of just cleaning up after yourself! A concept i believed was common sense and simple until i moved out. I am grateful the work ethic instilled in me by doing family work. When you are truly successful at working together, it's not even work at all.
ReplyDeleteI grew up on a fruit farm in a small town in Utah. We had hundreds of fruit trees, and every summer it was part of our responsibility as children to help with pruning the trees, picking the ripe fruit, and selling them in boxes outside of our house. I have always considered this to be the worst part of my life, but also the very best memories I have of my family. It was hard work to perform those tasks as a child, but I developed a relationship with my parents and younger sibilings that I never could have had if we just sat around all summer or played with our friends. We spent a lot of our time together, making the mundane tasks of working an exciting game of "Pioneer House", competitions, and "make believe". Looking back on the memories still makes me smile, and I know that not only are we are a family, but because of our "family work" we all became friends.
ReplyDeleteThis article really struck home with me. My parents always stressed "before you leave this house, we want you to know how to work, and how to serve others." I always rolled my eyes and recited it along with them, like a poem you've heard so many times that it becomes cliche. But thinking back, all of those Saturdays I had to go do yard work and got into trouble for having a bad attitude...that is when I learned to work it wasn't the chores I got allowance for, it was the times I "contributed to the family" and usually hated every minute. Those were the times, when no matter how grudgingly I did, I learned something. Every time I sweep the floor now, I remember my dad showing me again and again how to do it right, instead of the quickest, laziest way, and I am glad that I learned how to work.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up, I didn’t mind so much doing work in the house, except for when there was a video game I preferred to be playing. I absolutely hated doing work outside—any kind of work: in the garden or yard, or feeding our big, scary animals in our barn. Our family was never united on our work preferences. My mom and I would be comfortable with our indoor work. We would sometimes laugh and grow closer, but when my dad or brother helped, they acted very unhappy, like they just wanted to get DONE! Eventually, we preferred the two of them to not work in the house, because they did not do very good jobs with their tasks. Likewise, our roles were reversed with outside duties.
ReplyDeleteIt would be a perfect trade-off, but the outdoor workers were convinced they were cheated if they did not receive help from the inside workers. Then, after their work was done, they would relax for the night, while the inside work still had to be done by the other two. What stupid experience!
Although my family and I necessarily did any family work, I do believe that family work is important. Us children in the family would randomly receive chores throughout the week and have to accomplish them. We did have family activities like Christmas and other fun things but never work. My mom would always tell me to go start on the backyard or the garage and that the rest of them would come help soon, but they never came! It’s ok more experience for me. I do believe that families working as one is important, especially when it allows everyone to get involved. It does indeed build a bond that every family should have.
ReplyDeleteI would like to focus on Bahr’s practice #5. Avoid the business mentality at home which includes not giving rewards for work. In grade school some of my friends would talk about getting this amount of money for a B and this higher amount of money for an A on a grade sheet. My parents never rewarded me for good grades. They taught me to be motivated towards accomplishing my goals. They taught me to set reasonable goals and work hard to get there. Praise was all I needed for encouragement in keeping good grades. I wanted to be smart just so I could be smart. When I felt like giving up and not trying anymore, my parents were always there to keep me working. If they had given monetary encouragement, I would have only tried so I could get the money. I like the way my parents raised me in this sense because I value my education and I work hard to succeed, but those would not have been the reasons I did it if they had taken a different route.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree that a family must work together in order to create close familial bonds with each other. My family and I would have company over a lot for dinner on Sundays and we would work together to make the meal, set the table, pour the drinks, clean the house and welcome the guests so that the whole event was a success. The outcome didn't particularly matter, it was the process that brought us to the result---the family team work.
ReplyDeleteBy reading this article, I feel sad that I didn't work around the house as much as I should have. I was often really lazy and left most of the housework to my poor mom. Perhaps that's the reason why we didn't have a great relationship when I was in my adolescent years, because I failed to show my appreciation through helping her with her work.
Not only does work keep a family together and strong, but also prayer and scripture study. Many have heard the saying "A family that prays together, stays together." But, it's so true. In order to have a close family, gospel principles and habits must be established where all the family members can participate such as family prayer and family home evening.
Mondays were my dish days. I would come home after a long day at school to see the product of a seeming effort to dirty every single dish in the house; plates, cups, bowls, silverware, and assorted pots and pans piled precariously high in the sink and overflowing onto the counters. Large families make large messes; I am second oldest of nine children, four of which are teenage boys who eat constantly. Constant eating=constant dirty dishes; the law of entropy seems overactive in my house.
ReplyDeleteTrue, I did not generally relish the household chores which at times seemed overwhelming, but looking back now I can appreciate what that work has taught me. Dropping into a chair after an hour of hard labor in the kitchen was usually accompanied with a feeling of satisfaction. I agree with the article; there is great value in toiling on the behalf of others. My work meant that there would be bowls and spoons for the elementary kids in the morning and plates for the two in junior high who gobbled toast before catching the bus. It meant Mom wouldn't have to wash the pots she needed for dinner that night, which meant food sooner for the rest of us. My efforts made things easier for the other members of my family; a job well done was another way of saying "I love you."
I have folded mountains of laundry (literally), sorted heaps of toys, and scrubbed many a dirty toilet. Everyone is happier in a clean house, but the real value has come when I've talked to my mom while folding towels, laughed with my older sister while sorting through the meaningless clutter in our room, and played with my younger siblings while helping them pick up their toys. Of course, there have just as often been times when the work doesn't go well, but at least we've fought through it together. I haven't done as well as I should, but I am grateful to my parents for teaching me the value of work, not just individually, but as a family too.
Ah man this whole article just kept reminding me of those oh-so-lovely Saturdays where my mother would make us kids stay home and clean the whole house. She gave each of a list containing about 20 items; our saturdays were pretty much spent. I considered these days awful and cruel at the time, what teenager wouldn't? but they often turned out to be alright. We would put the music on, make a game out of all our chores, and I had some great conversation with my family that I wouldn't have otherwise. So as much as the household work might have killed me at the time, I'll definitely do the same thing with my kids because it is such a learning experience.
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