Everyone, at some point in time, looks back on their life and wonders what they could have done differently. “If I had studied more could I have gotten that elusive A?” “Was it worth it to stay up until 3 am to finish all my homework?” We all have regrets some are more serious than others.
In “I Stand Here Ironing” the narrator reflects on the way she raised her daughter Emily, her firstborn child. When I first read this story I found it rather depressing. The narrator is full of self-doubt and uneasiness. Throughout the story she feels guilt and tries to justify her actions.
The back and forth motion of her ironing reflects her thoughts. The narrator is going back over her life, trying to smooth out the “wrinkles”, or come to terms with what she had to do as a young mother.
I think it is important to accept past decisions and move on. We all make mistakes and need to learn from them. Isn’t that why we’re here on Earth in the first place? If we had no regrets, there would be nothing for us to learn and we could all go back and live in heaven. Wouldn’t that be nice? Sadly, we aren’t perfect and need to live our lives the best we can.
I really liked the last line of “I Stand Here Ironing.” “Only help her to know - help make it so there is cause for her to know - that she is more than this dress on the ironing board, helpless before the iron.” The narrator wants her daughter to continue to grow as an individual but be uninfluenced by others and society. The narrator wants Emily to understand how important she is.
I was thinking about this and drew the parallel of how we need to live in the World but not of it. We all have different personalities but we share the same values. We have developed who we are and, hopefully, we are happy with the result. We should remember what we stand for and move past our mistakes.
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I agree that we all make mistakes and need to move past them. But how much of how Emily turned out is the mother's fault? Throughout her daughter's life, she always tried to do the very best thing for her. It wasn't her fault that her husband left them and she had to work. It wasn't her fault really that she was poor and couldn't provide for herself and her child, that she couldn't provide a perfectly healthy lifestyle for Emily, could afford medicine when she got sick. It wasn't her fault that she didn't know what kind of place she was sending her daughter to, to "get better." I think often we blame ourselves or others for things that are beyond our control. Yes, we do make mistakes but why not avoid the ones that we can't control?
ReplyDeleteI was very intrigued by the author's use of the iron as a symbol.
ReplyDeleteThe iron provides a base throughout the story. It anchors the disjointed memories and worries in place, and solidifie the narrator's regret. At the beginning, the iron's movement parallels the narrator's distress and chaotic reminiscings. Later, the iron pulls us back to the present and further illustrates her remorse and anguish when she stops and puts it down at the thought of her responses to Emily. She mentions that her only bonding time with her daughter took place at night when Emily was doing homework and the narrator was ironing. Finally, at the end, the mother expresses her desire that her daughter should rise above her circumstances: to act and not be acted upon like the dress to the iron.
The iron represents the barrier between the mother and child. It represents all the time, effort, and love she spent on her other children instead of Emily. It embodies everything she couldn't give to Emily.
I think its good every once in a while to step back and look at your life. I wouldn’t really call it meditating but take some time to think about your day or your week or something. What you could have done better. I am glad that we have regrets; they are never any fun but you learn from them. It makes you a better person. For example, I regret taking so many classes this term. I want to have more of a social life. So to fix it, I’m not going to take as many classes for winter term. Its not necessarily anything profound but it keeps me sane.
ReplyDeleteI found this story really beautiful. I think its impossible to be a mother and not wonder and think at all the what ifs. The story broke my heart in places, but I thought it tied up well. Like Jill said, the iron served as an anchor during the story; something she was doing through all the phases of Emily's life. How much of our identities are tied to what we spend our time doing? I was glad that Emily came into her own at the end of the story, that she found peace and that her mother let her have it.
ReplyDeleteI worked at a day camp with 5 year olds for the past two summers and the ones who had working moms just broke my heart. They were so sad when their moms left. As much as I want to have a career, I'm just so unsure if I could give up that precious growing up time with my kids.
I think regrets are one of the worst things in the world. Of course we all make mistakes, but we should never have to regret anything we did. I believe that the Atonement allows us to go on through life without regret because our sins our forgiven us through Christ's mercy and his vicarious gift. The fact that the mother in the story regrets the way she raised her child is very sad to me. We should all just cherish every experience we've had in life, even the trials.
ReplyDeleteI read this article a couple weeks ago just out of curiosity. I just found it intruiging and I guess I missed my mom so I wanted to read about moms. I found her detached/distant tone interesting. I don't think she blamed herself for Emily's tragic upbringing. Sometimes you have to like detach yourself and realize that you can't control everything and you can't change the past, so there's no point in beating yourself up about it. Amen.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't really sure what to think of think article. It's so sad to read about and makes me worried about becoming a parent. Everyone wants the best for their children but we are all going to fall short in raising them. I can't imagine how hard it would be to be a single parent! the author may have lots of regrets, but it sounds like she did the best she could in her situation. What exactly was wrong with the daughter though?
ReplyDeleteI do not know if going uninfluenced by others is the right way to state that. I mean there are those who we should not let influence us, but then there are an equal amount of those who we should let influence us. I have learned the most valuable lessons of life from that second type. I was able to mature quickly through the guidance and help of those people. At the same time i was careful as to i let make impacts upon my life. As said already by a few, we do need to live in this world but not of it. Just let the past be the past and keep pressing onward!
ReplyDeleteThis was a really interesting article. It was a good story and the author did an excellent job of depicting a mother looking back on her life, and making the whole article sound like it came straight from the mother's thoughts. I did not really understand the question posed at the beginning of the articel about what was wrong with Emily and how someone wanted to help her out. I could not figure out what it was that the person called about. Emily herself was an interesting character that almost didn't make sense a lot of the time. The whole story was incredibly sad. I do not think that I would be able to stand it if I had to leave my child at a "boarding school" - the place where she left Emily and could only wisit her every other week. That place sounded awful.
ReplyDeleteHoly Moses I was totally just talking to my littl sister about this last week! She and her first boyfriend of 2 months, as teenagers do, took it a little too far a little too fast and now she is regretting some of the things they did and asked me how she could erase them so they never happened, and that she didn't feel worthy, and what was the point of living for 80ish years if all you do is mess up and have to live with that for the rest of your life. It was a hard topic especially dealing with my little sister but as you said you just have to look back and move on hoping you've learned from your mistakes
ReplyDeleteI really like this concept. The past is the past and there is nothing we can do to change it. We can stand around contemplating it all day or we can do something make our future better. To me the choice is a simple one. What is the point of reliving the past if there is nothing that is going to change about it. President Monson once said, The past is behind: learn from it. The future is ahead: prepare for it. The present is here: live in it! I think that just about sums it up.
ReplyDeleteThe iron is a really great symbol for this mom. She is ironing the dress the she wants her daughter to know that she is more than. I also like how different her first child is from the other children. Is this a result of the environment or would she have had that personality anyways. The author thinks she is reclusive because of the way her childhood had been. I agree with the author that this could influence it but I also think her natural personality might be to be shy.
ReplyDeleteThis is something has has been proved true to me over and over and OVER again!
ReplyDeleteThe past is something that is final. We can't change it, fix it, erase it, re-do it, or go back in time and make it all better again (believe me, I've tried. Time-traveling bed was a no-go.)
So the only option left is to just let it go. We're human, we're expected to make mistakes. These things happen to us. Anyone I've ever spoken to has always had a moment that they wish had never happened.
But you know what? We made the choice and we faced the consequences. Now it's time to do a 180 and face the future instead. Be bold! Be brave! Forge ahead! If you don't, how will you truly live?
First, I was fascinated by the symbolic iron, just had to throw that out there! Secondly, I know my mother has felt the same way. Although my dad has never left, and we haven't had real financial problems, she worries about how she raised her children. With me leaving to college, she has questioned her ability as a mother, and it breaks my heart. Both my mother, and the mother in the story have an immense love for their daughters, and I can't wait to be a mom myself.
ReplyDeletethe story quite interesting , but I cant understand what does the IRON symbolizes...
ReplyDelete