When I first read the title of this article, I had no idea what it would contain. As I read the first line, however, Elouise Bell made it very clear what this article is all about. It is all about people being fake and the problems it causes.
Her main point in the article was that sometimes people don’t want to be rude, so they will twist the truth somewhat. When the truth is twisted, nothing good can ever come from it. Lies don’t promote trusting relationships, and this is where all of the world’s problems come in. She also emphasizes how many people try to hide their feelings because they don’t want to seem bad or angry, and then they will go about secretly hurting that person.
Elouise mentions how some of the very worst people in the world tricked and manipulated people in to doing things they wanted. They all seemed like the nicest person in town or in the neighborhood, when in reality they were living a secret life that was evil and sadistic.
As I read this article, it really made me contemplate my life and the relationships that I build with others. I began wondering if I always try my hardest to be honest in everything I do; even if it is brutally honest. I realized that sometimes I may twist the truth without even really thinking about it.
A good example of this is when someone asks you if their outfit matches or is cute. The “nice” response would be to say, “Yes, you look great” even if the outfit really doesn’t look that awesome. Just because they are a great person doesn’t mean they always look great. Then they could go all day at school walking around like a freak causing many bad thoughts about them to be thought that day. This may seem harmless, but who cares? What is wrong with being completely honest?
In that same situation, you could be completely honest, and still be kind about it. You could say something along the lines of, “Generally plaid and stripes don’t look the best together. Maybe you could try your green shirt you wore last week.” That wasn’t so painful was it? They may claim to have their feelings hurt, but they will learn that they really are grateful for your advice. Not only that, but they will learn from the situation and probably never make the same problem again. They could walk around on campus all day, and people may in fact turn their heads wondering who the hottie is.
I loved this article. Elouise Bell has so many great points about how being “nice” can in the end be worse than saying something rude from the beginning. I believe however, that nothing has to be said in a rude way. I feel like there are many opportunities where when something blunt must be said, there is always a way to say it directly, honestly, and kindly. It may not be as nice as a little white lie would be, but those never did any good for anyone.
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Before I read Bell’s article, I had never considered the implications of being nice. I had always thought it was better to be nice and maybe a little deceitful, than be honest, when I was worried I would hurt someone’s feelings. Bell’s article introduced to me a new way of thinking about being nice. I had never before thought that being nice and telling a white lie could actually end up hurting someone. However, now that I think about it, I prefer people to tell me the truth, even if they think it will upset me. Reading Bell’s article gave me a greater resolve to be honest, instead of nice.
ReplyDeleteI read Bell's article with skepticism. At the end of the article, I had to concede that on some points she was right. People do worry so much about being nice to others, or appearing to be nice that sometimes they cross the line. However, she made nicety out tobe an entirely bad thing. That I did not agree with. There is nothing wrong with being nice. There is nothing wrong with teaching your children to be nice. I do not believe that teaching children to be nice somehow subliminally sends the message to be sneaky and go behind peoples backs, as Bell seems to think. Can people not be nice just because they genuinely want to be nice to others? Does every nicety have to have a sneaky, underhanded plot or repressed angre behind it? Sure, we are all human and noone can be nice or think nice thoughts all the time. But why would you not teach your children to strive to be nice to others? What if no one taught their children to be nice? What kind of a world would this be?
ReplyDeletePeople need to be able to let out their anger, and I agree with Bell that sometimes a soft answer is not what is needed-sometimes one needs to stand up and defend themself or others. But I will not stop trying to be nice to others just because Bell thinks that people can't be nice without ulterior motives.
Nice does not equal deceptive. You can be nice and honest, just like Sarah said. I'm not sure about the always brutally honest thing - if I ask someone if I look fat I really don't want them to flat out say yes, cause it's not something you can change right away like a shirt. Encourage them to excersice with you or something. It is good to be honest when necessary though, especially when it comes to friends and their relationships. Lying only causes trouble there.
ReplyDeleteI think Bell is trying to say that you can't take being nice at face value. That if somebody speaks nice words that doesn't mean they have nice actions. She gave examples of nice people that she knew that had done very bad things. Who is a nice person? She means somebody that speaks nicely. This could even include some kind of flattery. However somebody that speaks nice doesn't neccesarily do nice things. I also think she took it out of context a little bit. She is only giving negative examples. There are a lot of people that have nice words and actions. All the time.
ReplyDeleteI think this is something that is hard for people. Even people who consider themselves to be pretty honest people will sometimes have a hard time being rude and telling the full truth. It is so easy to twist the truth and make it sound better sometimes. But I think it is a good point that we can still be nice and tell the truth. I also agree that lying can be worse than saying something that may be a little mean. We should all be working to be honest in all our dealings with our fellowmen. We need to look in the mirror and see who we are and who we are becoming. We want to see someone who is valiant and true, not someone who pretends to be.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very interesting essay to me. I mulled it over in my head trying to get a balance between what she said and what we have been taught. I came up with the idea that the reason being nice is bad is because it is fake or is a barrier to our true emotions. My solution to this is a journal. I know there have been several times when I have had so much pent-up emotion in me, I wanted to hit something. Venting in my journal helped so much. I know people say they feel bad when all they have in their journal is unhappy thoughts, but isn’t it better that those thoughts are voiced in a journal as opposed to against another person?
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